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One Side: One Friend's Perspective

Sometimes she films me while I’m eating. I’ll see myself on her social media – it’s like a jumpscare.

My best friend of 10 years, Marielle, calls herself the “creativity monarch”. It can be amusing for a short while, but it weighs on our relationship.

She is an extrovert, she feels the need to record everything constantly. When we eat out, she says, “The camera eats first,” and takes photos with the flash on, which makes me cringe. I don’t like it when strangers see her performing for the camera – I get secondhand embarrassment. Another annoyance is because the food gets cold.

She's not quite an influencer yet, but Marielle is trying to be. She creates video blogs about city life, a day in her life, and her work as a stylist. The material is quality, I’ll give her that, but I don’t want to be dragged into it. Sometimes she films me while dining, or just accompanying her. I’ll see myself on her feed afterwards, and it comes like a jumpscare: I might be no makeup on, making a strange expression or be captured while eating. It feels invasive.

She also expects me to record her at inconvenient times. Often I’ll be talking to another person, or we're simply hanging out in the street. The dynamic feels like our bond has turned into me being her unpaid videographer. She could easily hire someone if she wanted professional shots. When I brought up my unease about this arrangement, she dismissed it. She’s taken me to several industry functions, which were appreciated, but that doesn't compensate for all the energy I spend assisting her create material.

I appreciate that she has helped me with my design career, but I resist our friendship to become merely a tally of exchanges. I don't believe she's insincere or dishonest, but sometimes I feel that if the camera is out, we will begin acting in a way that makes us look good for her vlog.

Her directive is, “OK, look happy!” and film me laughing with another. It feels forced. It's crucial her to recognize that our 10-year friendship still has boundaries. I enjoy being with her, but I also desire to experience it without being recorded, edited, or posted for an audience. I am not a accessory for her Instagram.

The Other Side: Marielle

I want my friend to see that the content we make together can get us a foot in the door.

I am passionate about creating videos. It's more than a pastime; it’s part of who I am. Producing content and sharing my life online enables me to express myself and connect with people in novel forms.

I wouldn't label myself as a professional creator yet, but it's savvy to make money from your interests. I admire people on social platforms who pull off that style of informal, self-made content creation.

Creating content is my interpretation of living actively: noticing the nuances, posting them with an audience that appreciates the craft behind it. I never intend to make my friend uncomfortable. Taking her to professional gatherings was my way of offering access, giving her a chance to experience behind-the-scenes moments that could help her career in design too. That’s not blackmail, it's simply being realistic.

I would take her to such functions even if she didn’t help me, but I desire her to see what the content we make together can achieve: an opening. I know not everyone likes being filmed, but sometimes unplanned moments is what makes material authentic. Appearing on video occasionally is part and parcel of being my companion. I would delete anything she requested, but she has never asked yet.

I don't demand anyone to be my private filmmaker, but companions help each other in minor capacities. I thought recording a short video now and then would be enjoyable for her. Innovation flourishes in partnership, and having Beth around makes endeavors lively and enjoyable. I don't compel her to participate in anything, and I’d never intentionally embarrass her. But filming together sometimes is part of how I record our time together.

I cherish our friendship profoundly and want to avoid making videos to drive a wedge between us. I am ready to find middle ground: like asking before filming, and avoiding angles that might make her uncomfortable.

This isn’t about control, it’s about expressing my perspective while still respecting hers. Obviously making content is not a replacement for real connection: it’s just part of how I live my life and I want her to be included in a way that’s enjoyable for each of us.

The Jury: Reader Opinions

Is it right for her to stop recording herself and her friend when they are socializing?

There’s nothing more uncomfortable than having a companion point a camera at you. I get that it's her passion, but I don’t make friends come to my work. Perhaps she can find like-minded creators to create content with. Given the uncertain future of technology, personal relationships are the only thing we have – cherish them!
A respondent, 25

If you’re doing something professionally, you can’t ask your friends for assistance repeatedly, even if they have done it before. While she enjoys creating, that doesn’t mean all those around her is content. She must to respect her friend's personal space.
Another reader, 26

She may enjoy producing videos and showing off her life publicly, but it’s not for everyone. It was kind she has assisted Beth’s career, but she needs to hear what her friend desires.
Emma, 27

It seems like you care about each other, so cling to that and ensure it’s the priority in your friendship. Create some real memories, where true emotions are stored, not online archives. Even celebrities who seem to share their worlds actually have more privacy than it appears.
One opinion, 53

Marielle appears to be not fully engaged nor genuine when she’s with Beth – she’s working. Both seem unsure as to where the line is. The answer is not found in trying to alter one another, but in each setting defined boundaries around what feels acceptable to them and seeing if there is an mutually agreeable compromise.
Barbara, 71

Your Turn to Be the Judge

In an online poll: is Marielle over-exposing their friendship?